Chicago Tribune: You’re making new friends this year and moving abut about with a prestigious crowd. Take care, this will be expensive. Don’t even try to keep up with them all. Go at an affordable pace.
Is it a bad sign that my birthday horoscope has a typo in it? Then again, perhaps I am destined to move a butt about with a prestigious crowd. My butt? Someone else’s? And this will cost money? We shall see!
Sun-Times, Holiday Mathis: IF MARCH 13 IS YOUR BIRTHDAY: You’re definitely on the fast track this year. You dare to be creative with your work, which brings astounding results. Pool your remarkable resources with family, colleagues and friends in May. In June, you grant a loved one’s wishes, and your own become real soon after. You share a special connection with Virgo and Gemini people. Your lucky numbers are 7, 10, 4, 19 and 33.
I want to believe this is a good horoscope, but “astounding” can mean lots of things. So can “remarkable” and “special.” Nothing against you Virgos and Geminis, of course. Also, this past Saturday night Rachael and I celebrated our birthdays at St. Pauli Bar, and then Chris and I came home drunk and ate fake chicken nuggets while watching Sesame Street. Which was sponsored by THE NUMBER 4. And the letter X, which could very well REPRESENT the numbers 7, 10, 19, and 33, algebraically speaking. So there you go.
Sun-Times, Georgia Nicols: IF MARCH 13 IS YOUR BIRTHDAY: Actor William H. Macy (1950) shares your birthday today. You often feel that fate plays a role in your life. You have your own special brand of courage, which is why you are able to surmount major obstacles. Personal growth is important to you. You intend to become a better person in this lifetime. In the year ahead, you’ll have an opportunity to study and learn something valuable.
You know, Georgia Nicols, actor William H. Macy shares my birthday all the time and not just this day, so maybe you can stop bringing it up. Yes, Dana Delaney, too. I think the Sun-Times pays you the big astrologer bucks for you to study the STARS, Georgia Nicols, not IMDB. Honestly, I think you’ve been phoning it in for awhile now, and I just thought I’d tell you, because personal growth is important to me.
Lovepsychic.com: Happy Birthday Pisces: Pisces, can you spell f-a-n-a-s-t-i-c? Yes, 2007 will be a fantastic year! Anticipate your rewards to be many! With the prosperity magnet planet, Jupiter sitting comfortably at the highest point of your chart, you’ll get everything you deserve and then some! The first area of return will be your career! Jupiter, joined by power-planet Pluto now in your career sector, brings a career change, a promotion or a job up grade! Don’t worry about whether or not you can handle your new commitments. Discipline planet Saturn has been busy preparing you for bigger and better things, and you’ll soon realize the importance of Saturn’s tough tactics. Not only will work situations improve but so will your friendships. Expect yourself to be surrounded by some very interested and high level people by the end of the year. Relationship matters take on more importance. On Sept. 2nd, Saturn turns its gaze on your partnerships. Romance can be taken to a higher path. Pay careful attention to your intuition! Neptune allows you to tune into your inner voice. Uranus in your Sun sign attracts all sorts of opportunities your way! Not only will 2007 be fantastic, but it will also be a memorable year!
This one is from my favorite online horoscoper, who uses a lot of exclamation points! Love Psychic, can you spell e-m-p-h-a-t-i-c? Wait, don’t answer that! This horoscope is very specific but I have no idea what it actually means! But maybe I will a year from now!
Happy really-unseasonably-warm-day-in-Chicago, everyone! (Happy William H. Macy’s Birthday to the rest of you!) Love, me.
p.s. If you know of any other horoscopes for today, I’d dig seeing them, so feel free to link (or copy and paste them) in the comments.
p.p.s. This week I remembered that last year I copied and pasted my 2006 birthday horoscopes and saved it as a blog draft entry. (Yeah, somehow I’m always busy around my birthday; there’s always a BUST column deadline and other stuff.) Anyway, I’ll post the retro horoscopes sometime soon to see how true they were.
Let me tell you, every year I go through all the horoscopes for my birthday too (mine is March 14th, yay PISCES!!!) And isn’t it wonderful we’re getting an early spring preview? NYC is getting the warmth, it’s like our own special bday present just for us! I happen to love Lovepsychic.com
Happy Birthday, Wendy! Hope this is the best year yet…
From The Onion:
“You’re about to transition into an exciting new phase of your life, thanks to the direct application of heat and your body’s rather low melting point.”
Bridgett Walther, formerly AstroAbbey!
Happy Birthday, Pisces! You don’t process information in an ordinary, predictable way. Your perception is more philosophical and intuitive than most of your peers. Even as a child, you questioned the meaning of life and mysteries of the universe, while other kids played softball. No matter what your occupation, your approach and emphasis always make you a standout. You may have felt like the ‘black sheep’ of the family at worst – or the designated genius at best. Throughout life, your ideals and futuristic beliefs draw other unique and eccentric people to you. Ultimately, your marvelous friends may feel more like family than birth relatives. You are connected to something mystical and powerful. Your views may be at odds with the vast majority of those of your peers or community, but that doesn’t daunt you. You are not a herd animal or dedicated conformist. You’re a seeker and trailblazer. The phrase, “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger†suits your personality. Your adaptability and resilience make you an amazing survivor and stimulating example for others. Your life is centered on exploration, learning, and merging with powerful forces. Your ideas and personality are so charismatic that others may put you on a pedestal. As long as you don’t allow others’ adoration to impede your evolution, great. But if you begin viewing yourself as a Messiah figure, big trouble will follow. Remain open, curious, and humble – and be cognizant of the impact of your words and deeds. Born today are Adam Clayton, Dana Delany, Mike Stoller, Percival Lowell, Deborah Raffin, William H. Macy, Walter Annenberg, Gene Cernan, William Casey, Dick Katz, Andy Bean, Terence Blanchard, Robin Duke, Annabeth Gish, Gary Guzzardo, Glenne Headly, Neil Sedaka, L. Ron Hubbard, Ed Marinaro, Clifford Holland, Andres Escobar, Joseph Priestley and Sammy Kaye.
I spelled Abby wrong!
Aw, the Love Psychic wants your help. She’s uncomfortably aware that she can’t actually spell “fantastic,” and she’s casting about desperately for someone who can. Poor Love Psychic.
Heh, I’m glad to see other people do birthday horoscope roundups. I always have to google at random to find any, since it seems like a lot of sites change/shut down/don’t update from year to year.
I found a different one in The Onion –
Pisces February 19 – March 20
Following decades of uncertainty, you’ll finally realize this week that the one thing you want most from life is for it to end.
The bombdiggity Rob Brezny (www.freewillastrology.com) doesn’t do “your birthday today” columns but here’s his Pisces bit for this week:
Molecular scientist Robert Bohannon knows a way to cram even more obscene gratification into a doughnut. He has discovered the secret to infusing pastries with a non-bitter version of caffeine. If his innovation is adopted by bakers, a doughnut would not only be able to have its usual sugary kick, but could also deliver the punch of two cups of coffee. Judging from the current astrological omens, Pisces, I’d say you’ll soon be able to find a healthy metaphorical equivalent to this pathological marvel for your own use. In other words, you’ll intensify your enjoyment of an already fine pleasure.
I can’t help with an interesting horoscope, but here is the word of the day from my favorite dictionary – urbandictionary.com. Happy Birthday!
1. TRUTHENIZE
1.To brilliantly inform someone of a harsh truth that they were either ignorant of or tried with everything they have to ignore. The resulting truth leaves the liar impotent. Powerless. Usually a truth about themselves. Like Euthenize. But with the truth.
2. To call somone out on a huge lie.
1. Man, the Scooter Libby indictment and the lack of WMD in Iraq fully truthenized Rumsfeld and Cheney.
2. Dude, at the end of A Few Good Men, Jack Nicholson gets truthenized.
I heard that if you share the same birthday as L. Ron Hubbard you can pass pre-clear and start at level 34 in Scientology.
Happy Birthday, Wendy!
My birthday is January… but I don’t believe in these things…
Huh… so, if that’s true in Scientology… and you are born on Dec 25th… you can bypass purgatory? Maybe get away with indecent behavior on judgment day? You don’t have to go to mass except every 3rd sunday? Or maybe Wendy can get free tickets for Wild Hogs, because of H. Macy. Neat.
Happy Belated!!! Mine is the 19th. I love fake chicken nuggets. Have you had the “spicy” chik patties? They are fantastic. It is so wierd that you’ve been doing “this thing you’re doing” because I started doing the same thing around the same time. Not only have I lost weight, but I don’t have the acid reflux issues I was having before (which is more than enough reason to stick with “it”) I need your soup recipes. I show you mine if you’ll show me yours:)
check out vanity fair’s horoscope
which, every month, is spookily
accurate.