I didn’t really mention how our Christmas trip to Albuquerque went. You might have seen on the Flickr page that yes, we made it there; we walked around Old Town to see the luminarias on Christmas Eve, and the next day Chris and I took the tramway up to Sandia Crest. And we spent time with my family: my aunts and my brother and my father and my mother, and it was good, but it was too short of a visit, considering the situation. Just after Christmas, my mom, who has late-stage ovarian cancer, started hospice care. (This is the part I haven’t wanted to write.)
On New Year’s Eve, I booked a flight to go out there again next week. Last night, based on what the hospice nurse is telling us, I changed my flight to this Sunday instead. I hope you can figure out where this is all going. The last time I talked to my mom she sounded comfortable. She’s comfortable and she’s at home. Some of you reading this may know her, or maybe you have some sense of who she is from stuff I’ve written, and if you want to send prayers or good thoughts her way, I’m sure she’d welcome that.
As for how I am, I don’t know. I’m not sure if it’s hit me yet.
There is this little building at the top of Sandia Crest called Kiwanis Cabin, this stone hut perched right at the edge, and from the steep side of the mountain it looks remote and wind-whipped and God-forsaken, and when I saw it from the tramway and through my camera I wondered what it was like there. It looked, well, rough—like a place where you’d have to endure the elements, and someplace you’d go only if you were really lost. Later I searched Flickr for photos of the place and realized that people get there just by hiking up the other side, the “easy” side, up what looks like a pretty ordinary trail, with pinon trees, and grass, and everything looking enough like the rest of the world for you to almost forget how thin the air is getting. I can see that sometimes you might not know how close you are to that place until you’re practically there.
That’s kind of how it is right now: one side of the mountain or another.
This might be the last post for a couple of weeks. I just wanted to let you all know what is happening.
Oh, I’m so sorry Wendy. My thoughts and deepest sympathy to your mother, and all best wishes and love to you and your family xxx
Wendy, my thoughts are with you. Sometimes there just are no words.
My thoughts and prayer are with you and your family.
I have been to the places you are going now. It will be one of the most difficult and important times in your life and while you may not beleive it right now, it is going to be okay and you will be okay – you will come out the other side a deeper person with a valuable experience. Be there for your mother, be strong for her. If it is a tragedy when a parent outlives thier child then it is life’s plan for this to happen as it is now.
Oh God Wendy, I’m so sorry. I’ll keep you & your mom in my thoughts.
Sending my good thoughts your mom’s way. My mother has stage three ovarian cancer, and it’s really… just awful.
It’s so weird because I don’t know you, but through reading your book and blog feel as if I do a little. My prayers are with you. I went through this a year ago October and sometimes it still doesn’t seem real. Nothing will make this easy, but maybe knowing that there are lots of “friends” out here thinking about you will help somewhat. Take care.
I’m so sorry. Peace.
Oh Wendy, I’m so very sorry. I watched my husband go through this with his dad a few years ago. So, no pithy bullshit. Just support.
Oh dear. I’m so sorry. I don’t know you personally, only through this blog (and you don’t know me either), but from what you’ve chosen to reveal, and just like any mother-daughter relationship, I’m sorry you (or any woman) have to go through this. Indeed I’m sending what many would call “prayers” to both of you.
It doesn’t sound like it’s hit you yet.
And don’t try to prepare.
When I was in a similar situation, a total stranger said to me, “Wow, that sucks.” It was crass, it was clumsy, and yet, it gave me great comfort, from somebody who couldn’t pick me out of a lineup, offering this universal camraderie of having to deal with such a situation. I pass on the sentiment to you, in hopes that it might bring even some of the same comfort I felt, for indeed, wow, that sucks.
Wendy, my thoughts and beams are with you and your family at this difficult time. This sucks, and there’s just no way around that. I am glad you get to go back and be with her. Peaceful passages…
delurking after about 100 years to send your mama and you positive vibes and good wishes.
Dear Wendy: Went through the whole end of life through cancer ordeal with my Dad. Sad and sometimes horrible as it was, the last few weeks of my Dad’s life were actually some of the closest, most enjoyable times we had together. Hope you can find the same solace in that yourself. savor every moment, you will be so glad you did. Good luck and god bless.
Safe travels to you. I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts this week.
My prayers are with you both, I know from personal experience how difficult this time can be.
Oh, Wendy, I’m so sorry. That is so very little help – well, no help at all. But that and my thoughts and prayers for you and your mom – well. That’s all I can really offer in this situation, isn’t it? I wish there were more.
Wendy, delurking to wish you and your family well wishes during this difficult time.
Wendy – I don’t know you personally though I have been reading your blog ever since someone sent me the link to the WW recipes a couple of years ago, and I’ve been so happy for your book success and the way that your relationship with Chris developed. I hope that this doesn’t make me sound like a crazy stalker, that I’m watching your life and being happy for you.
I just typed a long paragraph which was what I thought I wanted to say about what you’re going through, realized it was all about what I went through, and deleted.
I guess I just want to say I’m sorry. It’s awful. I am sending all good thoughts and vibes into the universe for you, your mother, and all your loved ones.
Prayers and peace go out to you.
I’m sending lots of positive and calming vibes your way and your mom’s way.
Please know that another stranger out there is thinking of you and your family during this time. I, too, wish that I had more to offer.
Wendy, my thoughts are with you and your mother. I know it’s a difficult time for you and your loved ones right now. In the end, may you someday find peace and comfort in having been there with your mother.
Just another of your blog readers, here to say you’ve made me smile and laugh so many times with your writing, you deserve this time for yourself that is not for us. Peace, grace and prayers to you and your whole family as you go through this.
Wendy, I’m so sorry. May you, your mother and your other loved ones know peace and comfort during this time.
wendy, my thoughts will be with you and your family… take care.
Delurking to say I’m sorry and this sucks.
Just wanted to tell you I’ll be thinking of you and wishing your Mom and yourself all the best. I know it is going to be at least as difficult for you as it is for her, so please, take care.
Your mom saved my life. I will be forever grateful and she will always be in my prayers.
So sorry to hear this news. Just said a prayer for your mom and all of you. Take care of yourself.
Wendy, much love and peace to you and your family. You’ll all be in my thoughts and prayers.
I know you’ve got a huge network of support, but if you need anything, anything at all, please give me a call. The cell number is still the same.
Wendy,
We’ve never spoken and I don’t know you, but I’ve read your books and your blog and always felt like maybe we were sisters in a former life.
I lost my mother almost eleven years ago and I still ache from losing her — but I have, somehow, learned to live again beyond that moment.
I am sending you psychic support and energy and my love and prayers. This is a difficult, but not impossible, time ahead of you.
It’s true there are no appropriate words, but there are actions. It sounds like there are a lot of people who want to act and be there for you. I hope you reach out for them when you need them.
Much love to you and your family,
Lu
Sending more thoughts your way.
Also just a blog reader…
I’m with a few other posters; it’s crass and clumsy, but this simply sucks.
I hope you have good hospice people. And people around you who can bring you some of the wit, insight and comraderie you share with all of us.
Dear Wendy,
I am so sorry to hear about this. I am sending you good vibes and a virtual hug.
Just another delurker saying how sorry I am and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Delurking to say, I’m so very sorry.
Do, lean on the hospice folk.
Don’t, deny yourself any and every feeling, good, bad, ugly or other that comes.
Hugs & prayers.
I’m so sorry for you, your family and especially your mom.
Wendy, I am so very sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
This is such sad news. I wish I could give you a hug. I hope you and your family can give each other peace and comfort during this tough time, and know you are in my, and many other’s, thoughts.
Yet another reader saying how sorry I am to hear your bad news. Sending good wishes to you, your mom and rest of your family, and let’s not forget Chris. My dad died of cancer when I was 26 (I’m 47). My boyfriend (now husband) and I had only been dating about three months when my dad got diagnosed, and he died about ten weeks later. Though he never said so, my husband must have occasionally considered that living with this grieving mess wasn’t nearly so fun as he’d planned when we moved in together. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it finally makes them bearable. You are in my thoughts each day.
Another lurker coming out of the woodwork to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones at this time. I’m so very sorry for you all.
Thoughts to you and your family. I’m so sorry you all have to go through this.
Wow Wendy, so sorry to hear about your mom. I know something about hospices and I am hopeful that your mom can at least get some comfort there. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom, and the rest of your family. Take care.
Wendy, so, so, so sorry to hear this. Please consider yourself hugged, and my thoughts are with you, your Mom and the rest of your family. Please take care.
I lost my mom after a long illness and like others here my thoughts are with you. Hospice is a truly wonderful thing and I encourage you to use all the services, not just for your mom, but they also offer services for the family as far as support etc.
It will be good that you are able to be there with your mom at this time.
Another long-time lurker — Wendy, my thoughts are with you and your mom. I’m so sorry.
You don’t know me either, but you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
*hug*
I’m so sorry; my thoughts are with you and your family.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mother and your entire family.
Millionth-ing the “I don’t know you, but I love your writing here and in your books” and extending my sympathies.
This sucks. Damn cancer!