You may have noticed, if you know me in person, the rather personal place where I tend to keep my cell phone. Depending whether or not you use euphemisms, I keep my cell phone either “close to my heart” or “stuffed in my bra like a skank dollar dancer’s haul.”
I don’t expect you to fully understand. I don’t need your approval. Just know that the proverbial Waitress Wallet has become the preferred conveyance for my phone and, occasionally, other small items such as hotel key cards and iPod minis. Somehow that is just my way.
I can’t remember exactly when my phone first made it to second base with me. I think maybe once I wore something without pockets and had to put it down my shirt. I believe at least once I stuck it there absentmindedly. It just seeemed like a handy place. It is a handy place: one that you can easily reach (well, not you you, because that would be creepy) and just a tidier place for personal storage than jeans pockets or a purse. When folded, my phone has a fantastically streamlined, slippery outer shell that allows it to hurtle through space into other dimensions; there are portals to other worlds located in my purse and under the drivers seat in my car, and my phone is always in danger of slipping through them and winding up in the hands of the White Witch of Narnia, but as long as my phone is safely hidden away in the hills, I worry much less.
Sticking my phone down my shirt became more of a habit once I began to travel a lot this spring and summer. When I kept my phone in my bag, the only reliable way it could be located was when it turned up on airport security x-rays looking exactly like a laser-powered radar-jamming anthrax disseminator. Whenever I needed it for decidedly less terror-oriented purposes such as checking my voice mail or sending schmoopy text messages, it was a bitch to find. And then the night before I flew to Boston, my phone went missing; I had to stop packing and drive back to my office to look for it; I was making frantic plans to buy a new one in the morning, when I heard from a delivery driver who’d found it in the parking lot at work. After that I decided once and for all that knowing where my phone was at all times was more important than not looking like a right saucy wench with a bodice full o’ shillings. I never have to root around in my purse; now I glide around serenely knowing, with what you might call womanly instinct, that my LG C1500 is nigh.
Also? I never miss a call this way. Even when I’m somewhere noisy or crowded I know when I’m getting a call. I’d tell you how but some of you might feel this is too much information.
What? It’s not like I keep money in there. Not when I’m sober.
I guess some people are horrified by this, but it’s just a bra. It’s just a bosom. Ever since I’ve owned one I’ve been heartily encouraged to show it off and yet I’m not allowed to keep stuff in it? Not fair, I say. So enough with your silly double standards about female support garments, and don’t give me that look when I take a call. Let us be, me and my phone and its cozy mountain home. Thank you.
A friend of mine has sewn a pocket into one of her bras for exactly this purpose.
I resort to storing things in my bra when I am wearing pants without pockets. My secret desire is to take over the fashion industry and put pockets into every single pair of pants, skirts, dresses, etc. Why do we not have pockets in everything? Because of a lack of pockets, we must shove things into our fronts. Duh.
pcc
I plan weddings and I totally do this – whats funny is my current, (long story) phone is the GINORMOUS Nokia (ollld school)…but it still manages to fit in what I don’t consider to be a large bazoom. (34/6 D isn’t big with real boobs, only if you’re 90lbs and they are fake and sitting like this: (*)V(*) instead of like this:
(.)phone(.)
Been doing this for years! Hotel room keys, cash when in DC in case I get mugged, phone too. Being a gal with hips, I don’t like putting things in pants pockets. Wendy – You rock!
This? Is the best f*in post I’ve ever read. Anywhere. Not just because you are hilarious, although the 3rd paragraph was comic genius. I cannot tell you the amount of flak I get for storing things in my bra. It’s handy, it’s secure–things don’t fall out the way they do w/ a pocket, and so on. Only problem is when the neighbors give me looks as I fish my front door key out after a run.
This might be worth giving up turtlenecks for. :o)
You know, I would do this, but it’s really hard to explain to people why your bosoms have…corners. You see, I’m a 36A. On a good day. Well, one is an A, the other is a “Nearly A”, a term I hate when I have to buy it, but which is unfortunately spot on. ANYWAY, the reason I tell you all this is because when the item you are wanting to store in your bra is larger than the item which the bra was designed to store, it’s quite … noticeable. As in, my boobs have corners.
So, the small-chested of us second the motion to take over the fashion industry and require pockets in all things pant-like. Thank you.
I totally stash things in my 36DDDs! The only problem is when I have my cellphone set on vibrate — whooo! Gotta get your cheap thrills where you can, I suppose.
I also use my bra straps as a place to hook things that are hookable, like my keys.
I don’t judge you, Wendy. But I do hope you don’t let things get out of hand. Like this one crazy bus lady I sometimes see around who often appears to have what would normally be the entire contents of a very large purse demurely deposited in and about her bosom. Talk about corners.
I’m just saying, don’t let this be you some day.
Not only do I fully understand, but thanks for celebrating something that most women have done at one time or another! Unfortunately, my Schneider-sized ring of keys would not look smooth under a t-shirt, but I have stored my id and ATM in Bali whenever a purse could be lost, stolen, or a nuisance.
On the flip side though, when I was a bank teller it was always a little rough getting warm, moist bills produced from under a housecoat neckline. While not as bad as ‘sock money’ it was up there.
My cell phone ring sounds like a chicken clucking.
It would be terribly convenient to have it in my bra; that way my coworkers would have an excuse for looking at my chest.
Hooking keys in your bra strap! Thank you JFWLucy. I used to put mine over the elastic in my running pants. But, every now and then, the little suckers would slip inside. A little inconvenient when they hit the ground, and I had to go back for them, but when they fell inside my French cuts…Yipes. About a dozen very cold pieces of metal nestled in my crotch. See me dithering, wondering whether to try and ignore them (in the name of decorum) or shove my hand down my pants and retrieve them, right in front of God and everyone. Now, if I’d thought of my bra strap. You are a genius!
One night, out and about in downtown San Diego with “the girls”, I put my lighter in between my … other girls. Well, it was sticking out a little and my drunk friend decided the best thing to do in that situation was to reach over and LIGHT IT. Now, slightly worse for the wear, I no longer store things in my bra. At least not those that produce fire.
when i smoked, I always kept my hard pack and lighter in my bra. then i got a cellphone and nestled that right next to it. then I cut my hair and couldn’t keep pencils in it anymore so i started sticking them through…then i quit smoking but started keeping my keys there.
women often remark on either my ingenuity or how they do the same thing too. men often feel, however, that keeping something next to my tits means it’s perfectly fair game for them to grab. I grab their wrists and tell them, unless your buddy over there lets you play pocket pool in his pants, I suggest you leave MY pockets alone, too.
the nerve of a woman! to use her rack for something more utilitarian than a scenic viewpoint!
I’ve looked down in meetings and noticed my ATM card sticking out of my bra.
But my top story was this summer when I was moving, and having a bitch of a time doing it. I spied a lucky penny on the sidewalk outside my old building on the way to work one day. I had no spare hand to stick it down my purse, but I could reach my…bra. When I was taking off my work clothes later that night, I saw something fall to the floor. Then I noticed the little round circle impressed upon my boob. The penny branded me.
Thanks, B’Gina! That’s nice.
Laurie, I see a whole new range of performance art, inspired by your experience! Stick random objects inside your garments all day, then at performance time, strip, and bill the time it takes for the marks to fade as your artistic and emotional interpretation of:
the impact of the Ottoman empire on the rise of the city-state in Eastern Europe . . .
how our identities are “branded” in a postmodern society . . . (a bit too easy, that one)
the secret love lives of noblewomen in the Tang dynasty . . .
etc.
Or, for a fun(d)-raiser, let audience members guess the imprinted items! Bonus points for the date on the pennies!
it’s the only way to fly, sister…don’t you think that if men had bras, they’d be doing th esame thing???Fucking rights they would….i think it is the smartest way to do thing, i keep money in it, and although the cab drivers laugh a bit, it keeps the normal folk at bay
I like this thinking. I like it a lot. Now, like a previous poster, I am not so well-endowed in the boobage department, BUT I’ve got high-water booty to spare and no place to keep my phone and keys.
The cogs are turning.
That’s brilliant! I’m going to start doing it now, too, because I’m tired of missing calls, especially when I’m waiting for one.
My grandma used to keep money in her bra, and whenever she needed it, she had no shame in removing it no matter who was there. I loved when she did it, because the look on the person’s face was usually priceless!
Good bras cost enough money that they SHOULD multitask.
What a fantastic post! I feel so inspired by you and by the commenters. I’ve never carried anything In There before, but now when I try it, I won’t be able to walk down the street without a knowing grin–at least until I get accustomed to the feeling and forget that I have things In There.
On another note, I am sickened that men would think they could grab something they see store there. Not surprised, but sickened. Bastards.
I don’t store a phone in ye cleavage, but I’ve been known to stash a few bills there. After all, who needs those idiotic money-belts to avoid being ripped off while traveling when you can just stick a few twenties in the ol’ brassiere? The best pick-pocket in the world couldn’t get away with swiping them from me before I noticed.
And I agree with Annie. That third paragraph kicks ass.
I teach, and one of the women I teach with keeps her cell phone in her bra. There is nothing so disturbing as watching a woman answer her bra in a hallway full of high school students. ‘Nuff said.
Jess–you mean she has her phone on speakerphone and she talks to her bra or something? Or she holds up one of the bra cups to her ears and talks into the other cup?
Remind me not to borrow your phone.
I’m with ya! My iPod shuffle travels in my bra at the gym. This weekend I was travelling and took the Shuffle with me. I was halfway through my plane flight when I realised I’d automatically tucked it into my bar. I was a little embarassed but thought, what the hell!
See?! I’m not the only one! Everyone around me thinks I’m nuts for stashing my cell phone and other things in my bra. I am a big girl (all the over, actually) so I do have some room in there to store things. One day I was walking with a friend on a city street in NYC when my keys slipped out of my hand. I bent over to pick them up and out came the cell phone, my tiny purse, and 2 credit cards. Hey! It was summer and I didn’t want to carry a purse around the city. My friend had no idea I could store things in there, and he was laughing so hard he had to sit down on the steps of a brownstone until the hysteria passed. Meanwhile, I’m all…”what?” It seemed normal to me!
I too have done this… but when my phone stopped working because it got hot and sweaty – and consequently, well… moist, it was hard explaining it to the phone company. They kept insisting I MUST have worn it in the shower or dropped it in the toilet. They refused to replace my phone! Instead, I bought an around-the-neck lanyard and hooked my phone to that. I still drop it down my shirt, but no longer does it slip under my rather large boobagery and get lost. My kids are already embarrassed that I exist to torture them… and pulling a cell phone ringing the tune “I’ve got you under my skin…” from inbetween my breasts totally mortified them! Hmmm… I might go back to it just for the thrill of watching the look on their faces!!
Wow, it had really never occurred to me to put my cell in with my girls, but I did, however, sneak some mini liquor bottles into an all-day concert that way. I went with two other female friends (one of whom decided not to eat anything at all that day while drinking, got totally sick, and had to leave before seeing the band she actually bought the ticket for – thank goodness we brought separate cars!) and was proud that I could fit the most. Seven bottles, totally undetectable. The most either of them got was three. The downfall to being a skinny girl, I suppose.
I’m famous for having stuff shoved down there, but considering my phone is roughly the size of a taxi, that’s not happening unless I can afford something smaller. Can’t forget the time my friend stuck all her money down the bra for lack of pockets while we were shopping and when she got her change she stuck it, coins and all down there. Awhile later we’re eating and she starts to shuffle in her seat, then twitches, then starts absolutely flailing and freaking out in pain. We rush her to the bathroom and remember that she has a bad allergy to nickel. She had these hicky-like marks where the coins were against her skin, hives, and we ended up passing wet paper towels into the bathroom stall at Arbys trying to wipe off any residue. Not quite as funny as the ER room trip I took with a different friend years later due to an allergy to an “educational purposes only” giant fake penis, but good enough.
I wear my phone calose to my heart too! It’s a lot easier to hear, easy to reach and sometimes even quite fun if I have it set on “vibrate”.
Of course, I can probably put WAY more than a cell phone close to my heart. Some girls are just lucky like that!
i was in las vegas last summer with a crowd of friends. when im in a casino or shopping mall or nightclub and even at a beach i will carry my my money credit card carkeys lipstick and cell phone in my bra.its just something i do even if i have pockets. this time i had won over a thousand dollars and i guess you can say i had a few corners if you wanted to look.later that day we went to visit some relatives i had that lived close to the city. got into a water baloon fight and got soaked to the skin. wearing a white jersey and sheer white bra and being soaking wet—-all of what i had in my bra was visable in tha bright las vegas sun. and i didnt knw this until i went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. what was i to do ? i pulled everything out and let the hot sun dry everything out.they all had a good laugh at my expense. i was embarrased but when things dried out to there continued entertainment i put everything back. shocking a few of them. i kept my money there all week and some of the girls i was with did the same one night in a nightclub. it is really a full proof system for carrying your valuables.i think more women should atleast try this once —-next time your at the shopping mall put your cash credit card and car keys into a silk or satin change purse and put it into your bra cup. dont be shy —i keep mine as far down the bra as it will go. in other words my boob rests on top and you dont get corners. try it . i have to say i have had lots of comments most favorable and i welcome them.i get a kick out of watching peoples eyes. maybee even a little turn-on. shame on me. linda
Oh, Kumunui’s story cracked me up. And Wendy, thank you for bringing this marvelous convenience to light. I totally store stuff in my bra — cell phone especially when I’m at work and want to make sure I can get a call I’m expecting without looking like a pretentious asshole for carrying it around.
The reasons that some women’s clothing doesn’t have pockets are (a) that it’s costly to manufacture, and (b) spoils the lines of the clothing. Maternity clothing especially suffers this lack, though in general I’m glad to have at least one or two fewer bulges on my body right now.
My family has a long standing history of bra-as-purse utilization. My grandmother started the trend with her 36G’s and commonly kept large bundles of cash in there (she was from the Depression era- it was safer than the bank!). When she unexpectedly died after a shopping trip, a nurse brought my Mom her personal items while at the hospital. My mom, through her tears, asked if they checked my grandmother’s bra. The nurse looked puzzled but went to check. She then returned with over $400 cash in her hand!
i have started doing this just now. keeping cell phone inside brs on viabbretor mode, very convenient thing. it fits correctly in clevaage. and i find it very easy to carry it like this. no need of purse