PAMIE WHY DIDNT YOU TeLL me writng a BOOK WA S SO HARD??! i think I am RETARTED NOW ITS ALLYOUR FAULT. Oh and also how waS THE BOOKDRIVE !? I Want TO DONAte A BOOK. i HAVE a Book but I am Not done writing it and I dind’t KNOW you had to know how to DRIVE it too. how far do I haveto DRIVE IT??! ?!? aM I THERE YET? when!? HOLD ME PAMIE

…a service like Meals On Wheels, only instead of delivering food to the shut-in eldery who cannot cook for themselves, it delivers hot, fresh, content to the shut-in book-writing bloggers who are slouching at their desks in sweatpants and cannot blog for themselves.

And I mean, there could be food, too. I wouldn’t turn that down.

(Let’s pretend that I actually had time on Wednesday to post this, okay?)

For some reason I’ve always had a thing for recapping celebrity wedding specials, probably because there’s not all that much dialogue to transcribe, just creepy vows. The rest is just attention to all the gazillion little tacky details swarming microbially all over the blessed event, and you can pick everything apart, one Swarovski crystal at a time. The link to the original recap is here.

For months afterwards I kept getting emails from confused brides-to-be who were desperate to find out what music Jennie Garth played at her wedding and seemed to think I would know.

You need to understand that at the moment, the book is leaching all the clever out of me. Every day I sit down and open a Word document and then I put my hand flat against the screen and shut my eyes and I can feel bright lights flash and there’s this high-frequency sort of ringing noise and it goes on and on and then hours later I stagger away from the computer and six double-spaced pages print out. And then I’m useless. I will be for at least another week.

In the meantime, though, I guess you can read a bunch of my Television Without Pity recaps for shows you were lucky enough to never see. I’ll post annotated links to them all week.

First up (in no particular order): Glory Days. About seventy-three of you saw this when it originally aired on the WB in the spring of 2002. It’s kind of a shame the rest of you didn’t see it, because, in retrospect, it was a wonderfully sincere kind of awful. It was produced by Kevin Williamson, who’d first made a name for himself with the Scream movies and, for reasons I’ve never been able to fathom, really wanted to be David E. Kelley instead and make quirky, cleverish dramatic comedies instead of transcendent teen crap like Dawson’s Creek. Glory Days is the result of that confusion. Read the recaps Here.

(More later.)

And neither has Bootsy the Fish. But do fish sleep? He appears to go into these trance states, where watching him is like–well, like following this site these days.

It’s just that I’m working so much on the book these days I can’t seem to think in fluent Blog. I’m off writing on my internet-free laptop, and every now and then I get to spend ten minutes or so with Mr. Funhouse.

I bet if I don’t post more next week you people will TP my yard or something, so I’d better hop to it.